This past weekend I went to the Kotel with my program. I think every time I go there, its just like going for the first time. I just feel this deep pull to Jerusalem and especially the Kotel; when I go there it feels like I belong. We went to the Kotel right before havdalah while the men were doing Mariv. I had been so home sick to hear a familiar tune for davening because NFTY-EIE is a reform program and does reform services and tunes.(I am not reform and the services are very uncomfortable for me to sit through, especially considering that they use instruments on Shabbat) As I stood at the wall, I think I had the most meaningful experience I have ever had there. I stood there and did a personal prayer and after that I listened to the men daven Mariv. Just hearing the familiar tunes and service made me feel at home once again.
However I believe some people just do not appreciate the holiness and just how much the wall and Shabbat means to some people. While I was standing at the wall listening to the men do Mariv, I saw a flash come from behind me. I turned around and the were a few NFTY-EIE girls taking pictures with flash!!! I was so offended and I'm sure the orthodox women were too. I don't understand how people can be so selfish and ignorant that they would take out electronics and use them at the Kotel on Shabbat after all of the staff from our trip had told them that is the one thing that they cannot do. Those are the times where I hate being even affiliated with the reform movement on this trip and it almost makes me loose faith in the secular people of Judiasm.
To say the least I had mixed feelings at this trip to the Kotel, but I believe all of the familiarity and happiness that happend at the wall completely overpowered the bad experiences that happened that one time.
That's really wonderful that you feel such a strong connection to the Kotel, even after having visited so many times! You mentioned how uncomfortable you are in Reform tefillah, which makes sense, since you grew up in a different culture. When you notice other students doing things that aren't Orthodox, I'd encourage you to remember that feeling of incredulity you had when hearing the musical instruments. For most of the students here the idea that they wouldn't be able to use their cameras on a certain day is just as crazy to them as instruments during tefillah is to you (and, by the way, I imagine someone who grew up ultra-orthodox would find some of your behavior just as unbelievable as you found the picture-taking). Hopefully over the course of the semester you'll find a way to turn those things that bother you into teaching moments, in which you can explain your more traditional Jewish experiences to the other students.
ReplyDelete